Friday, November 27, 2009

New Things

Remember being a kid and making a hat out of paper? Or finally figuring out how to ride your bike without the training wheels? How cool did it feel the first time you used a Polaroid camera to take a picture? You point. You press that big plastic button - Out comes a photo that develops in front of your eyes! WHAT?! How did that happen?! Let's do it again.

All these things seem pretty fantastic when you're a child, don't they? What prevents us from keeping that spark? Why do we constantly search for newer, better things? When we're kids, we want the Huffy bike from Toys 'R' Us. We get that and find out our friends have the 21-speed. We're constantly trying to 1-up ourselves. Hello 16! Who wants a car? I do!

My first car was a Red 1998 Honda Civic EX... fully loaded of course. I was so excited when I drove it off the lot. I distinctly recall driving to the house, picking up my girlfriend, and driving around just to drive my own car. The feeling I felt while driving was the same feeling I got while riding that little Huffy bike in circles on my back porch. It was just being applied to something new. The car was more complicated... bigger... faster... "better."

YOU: What's the point?
ME: I'll tell you. A little over 2 years ago, I bought a bicycle.
YOU: Get on with it.
ME: Will you shut up for a second? I have a point. Trust me.

"HAHA. That was cute with the fake dialogue."

Anyway, I bought this bicycle so I could do something "new" with my girlfriend. I was getting bored with life. I would DRIVE to her house and we would sit and watch TV for hours. This was becoming increasingly annoying. I thought that if I bought a bicycle we could do something together that didn't involve sitting and gaining weight. Needless to say, it never happened. I put it away for over a year.

One day, I picked it up, inflated the tires, and hit the road. Can I tell you people that riding a bike isn't exactly as easy as "riding a bike." If you're out of shape and expect to get on a bike and ride 5 miles up and down hills, you've got another thing coming.

What have I become?! I used to hop on the bike, ride off for hours and return home to play catch with my brother. How come it was so difficult now? I'll tell you. All these bigger, better things I was looking for had taken the child out of me. I stopped seeing the beauty and simplicity in things like bikes or paper hats. Cell phones and surround sound... things of the digital era... all of this had taken me away from who I once was. I'm a child. This world is HUGE, and I'm just a little kid who wants to experience the simple things... fitness, puppies, love, kissing, having my own family.

Are we ever going to give in to our natural needs and let go of the stranglehold we put on ourselves to become this monster who has every product in the "Big Bad American Dream" catalog, or are we going to step back a moment and realize that we only need the little things?

I'm sure most of us have thought about this, especially in this time of "economic crisis." Has anybody heard about this? Yeah, apparently, we're in some sort of trouble. Anyway, my point is "Come back to basics, people!" What are we trying to prove with all these expensive toys we buy all the time?

That's all for tonight. I'm tired and ready to stop rambling. Love you all.

Have a good night,

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Just can't say it.

You do make me smile.
There's no doubt about it.
It's you. Nobody else.

It has been ages since I felt that way.
It's not because I'm lonely.
It's just you.

It's mostly when you smile at me.
No I'm lying. It's kinda when you poke at me.
No no... I don't know what it is. It's you.

I just can't stop thinking...
about your smile, your hair, your ev-er-y-thing.
I wish I could tell you.

You're so beautiful.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

A New Morning, Part 1...


I woke up this morning, and my hand was numb. Kratos crawled to the head of the bed and made it a point to snuggle up to me. Of course, my hair has its own area code by sunrise, so I had to get it out of my face to see that the sun was creeping through the blinds - as if to tell me that it's going to be another beautiful day.

No nightmares. I can always be thankful for that. I went to bed... slept... woke up. That's the most I can ask.

I have a few things on my mind:
  1. Eat!
  2. Tasks to complete, i.e. shower, tattoo consultation, wash dishes, P90-X, etc...
  3. Keep breathing.
  4. That beautiful girl.
All I have to do is make it through the day and into tomorrow. Then I'll be that much stronger. I'll be that much wiser.


I got to open up a new box of cereal today. 1 cup, measured to a "T". Milk shortly follows. Is this getting interesting yet? Let's sit down on facebook for a moment and see who wants to talk to me. Shit, I'm finished my cereal. I guess I'll wait another 2 hours before I eat.

*BLOOM* Oh! Someone IM'd me. Who is it?!

- not an actual conversation -

Lisa: good morning
Me: Good morning! How's your day?
Lisa: eh... work. it is what it is.
Me: Mmm hmm. What are you doing later?
Lisa: school then home. you?
Me: Nothing much. Working out, then nothing. Gotta go! Talk to you soon.
Lisa: bye!

I've gotten through half a Queensryche song on iTunes. Time to shutdown Windows. Let's get the boy ready for a walk and then get clean.


The thought of love has flown in and out of my mind at least 100 times by now. I can't stop thinking about her. She haunts me. The word is no exaggeration : HAUNTS. I try to forget about her and move on with my day. Who is she?

I don't know.

She's there, but I can't find her. You, know? The one who's supposed to love me for me? The one who cares about me, no matter what? I don't know who she is, but she won't leave me alone. I can't say that I mind. The thought lightens my mood sometimes.

to be continued...

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Hush now, child.
Let not the loneliness
steal your innocence.

Bask, instead, in the the solitude
that binds you in tears...
in fear.

Find thyself.
Know you are worthy
of all you desire.

Become better.
Attain greatness.
Become you.

In darkness,
find the light which
you already possess.

Surrender to love,
and absolve all adverse
emotion from within.

Only then will you
let go of the past,
the past that haunts you, child.

You are a flower, still blooming.
Fight to open up to the world
and show your true beauty.

Become you.